Better Son or Daughter

Oh Lord, I was on a high this week. And by high, I mean finally feeling normal. Yippee!

And then, two days later, I'm back down.

Yippee.

I would really love to be out of this- to feel normal, happy, proud. Oh, and I'd love to look at myself and see someone who is smiling rather than looking like the Ghost of Christmas past.

If you can believe it, I spent so much of yesterday just staring at nothing with no thoughts in my head. I spoke more words to the man on the L asking me about the book I'm reading (Last of the Mohicans) than actually communicating with anyone else.

Today, well, it's no different. I feel, uh, better. But I seriously think it's because I've spent much of the day planning for my niece's visit and trying to find Alex's 1st birthday gift online. Seriously, how can you not smile when looking at adorable babies in cute outfits?

Anyways, B sent me this song yesterday while I was in the thick of things, and it's been stuck in my head ever since. It eerily sums up exactly what is going through my head.:

Oh, and I ran 4 miles yesterday. I should throw that in someplace, so why not here? 4 miles is a pretty easy undertaking, but I ran it after work yesterday. I usually do all of my runs in the morning, before 8am, so there was a huge difference. I obviously felt more self conscious with the added amount of people on the trail. I guess there was more pressure to get through my intervals without looking like I'm about to fall apart or die of heat exhaustion.

Only 3 days away from my tune up 10K- or as my runner friends are calling it, RunHades 10K. I had really wanted to pull a PR (personal record), but with the race not starting till 7:30 and the temps as it is, I'm going to stick with just finishing as my goal. 

This is a great test to see how I will do in the heat with my half marathon. Only 4 weeks out! I'm feeling more and more confident as well as freaked out. My motivation is at a high with my training, but to make sure that I keep on running after I cross the finish line, I've decided to pay myself. For every mile I run, I'm giving myself a dollar and doubling it if it's a race. For July, I've already deposited about $21.50. Cha-ching!

Anyways, have a happy and healthy weekend. I'll be back, I'm sure, with a race recap on Sunday night or Monday.

4 Till 13.1. Crap.

Well. I just checked my calendar.

I'm just 4 WEEKENDS off till my Half Marathon. Oh, you know... that thing that I've been training all year for.

Cue anxious sweating and mental cursing.

Normally, this would send me in to an imaginative Rocky-esque montage of me running up and down the Lake Front path to the sound of "Eye of the Tiger"

My photoshop skills are getting better! 

However, this revelation is different. This is a freak out. A freak out in which I spend two days pouring over all material related to half marathon training plans. What should I be eating? What about my shoes- I think I need new ones. When do I get them? What should I wear if it's hot? What should I wear if it's cold? Should I bring my fanny pack hydration pack with me? Should I also bring my gels, gu, adrenaline bites? What if I'm not ready!?! What if I haven't trained hard enough or long enough!!! What if I'm the slowest, fattest, ugliest one there!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The truth is: I'm pretty much ready. What's making me freak out is a combination of a horrible run on Sunday in which I could only run 8 out of my scheduled 11 (really, it was supposed to be 12.5) and the fact that my views on races are both dread and excitement.

The lead up to a race is full of self-doubt. There are so many what-ifs involved that it becomes a mind game. I hate this part. I hate looking at my training, something I put countless amount of hours and sacrificed so many precious sleeping hours for, and thinking that I didn't do enough. I hate that I will look at those gazelle like ladies at the Half Expo and know that I will be behind them from start to finish. These four weeks will be nothing but analyzing and agonizing. 

But the lead up is always the worst part. When I get to the race, I'll be overjoyed, full of nervous butterflies, but calm in my pursuit. At the start line, I turn in to a captain. I know the charts, the path, the intervals. Now it's time to lead my ship home. And at the finish, I'll reward myself with a bagel and a banana (maybe even some brunch or ribs). And at home, I'll put my medal and my bib on my wall and admire it every time I start to feel like I didn't do enough. 

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Schedule for the week:

Monday- yoga and kickboxing

Tuesday- 5K, New Rules strength

Wednesday- dance or swimming

Thursday- 6 miler, New Rules strength

Friday- Rest

Saturday- Spin class or work outs in the park (yoga, pilates, zumba)

Sunday- Fleet Feet Sports Women's 5K/10K (doing the 10K), New Rules strength

She Dreams Of Running a 5K

Thanks Matt and Kim for that little bit of inspiration.

I know that I rarely write about my fitness activities here. If you want to keep up with my 400 minimum minutes of fitness per week, check out my blog at: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=CHELLES_BELLS I update it at least once a week with my training schedule, recaps on runs, and general musings about my activities.

Since I've become more active, I've been more and more willing to try new things. I've become a spin class devotee, a weekly swimmer, and have gotten back to weekly yoga sessions. But most importantly, I've re-learned how to love running.

I began running over two years ago. I completed the famous Couch to 5K program in record time and began running 20-30 minutes every day... which I quickly learned was the fastest way to injure yourself.

*Also not helping: My inability to read the warning signs and buy properly fitted running shoes. Going out to a shoe carnival is not the same as going to a running or athletic store, asking for them to fit you and check your gait, and getting shoes that are made for how your stride forms.

So, there I was, about 3 months in to running and I was stuck on the injury report. Over the next couple of years, my friends became more active. More and more ran local 5K races, some even progressing on to 10Ks or marathons. I browsed through their facebook pictures and blog recaps like they were pictures of the hot girl my ex was now dating. Seriously, it was all jealous rage.

Lack of properly fitted pants got me back on track. I wanted to run again, and I wanted to do it right. I started off slowly, very slowly. And I tried new programs that promoted rest days and walk breaks (i.e. Jeff Galloway's marathon and race training books). I got a subscription to Runner's World and a new pair of shoes when my old ones ran out of mileage.

And with each step, I became that girl who ran outside in the winter. The one with her headphones blasting Passion Pit and U2. The one who woke up before the sun so she could have quality alone time with the sidewalk. I ran up and down beaches, to little lighthouses on piers, on the tracks around parks, and down alleyways. I ran slow on most days and then fast when I could get time on a treadmill.

All the while, I had one race on my mind: The St. Paddy's Day 5K on March 20th.

It was a typical March day- windy, chilly, and potential for rain. Seeing all the other runners around made me only more nervous. But I kept repeating my mantra in my head:


I even took a typical Chelles-esque picture (smiling with mouth open, two thumbs up):


Without much warning, the race started. Well, actually, there was a ton of warning. I'm wearing #24, but that's 24 out of 6000+ runners, walkers, stroller pushers, and dogs. Just getting to the start line was a push. I couldn't start my run for 2 or 3 minutes because of the amount of people. And when I did, I was weaving around obstacles like leprechaun costumes, cancer survivors holding hands, and several large dogs. Near a half of a mile, we went through a medium length tunnel. It was so congested, I barley walked... my time was dwindling.

The next two miles were a blur. This wasn't my first 5K, so the distance was familiar. I just took my strides and did my intervals like a good Galloway student. And when my shins started acting up, I repeated my motto and pushed through.

Near a quarter of a mile left to go, B was there... taking pictures. He basically ran with me to the end. None of these pictures are flattering (my jacket is huge on me now... but my legs look skinny!), so here's the one that doesn't repulse me the most:

Reminder to self: work on posture near the end of runs.

And at a certain time that was about 3 minutes over my average, normal 5K time... I finished. I beat around 400 other people, so that's comforting to my overly competitive self. I rewarded my efforts with a rain soaked banana. And then I won a sweet Lord Voldermort tshirt.

But more importantly, I finished what I had started 3 years ago. And now I can continue working on training for that half. I'll try to remember to post more about fitness here as it is a big part of my life.