Resolutions?

Oh dear. It's that time of the year again. The gyms are overflowing- "Bitch, get off MY treadmill." My financial website is backed up- "If I have to press f5 to get to my retirement fund page, I will take all that money and go some place exotic (but not that expensive)." And the streets are less smokier/full of drunks.

Every year, we design "resolutions" for ourselves. But do we every actually keep them? I know I haven't. In actuality, only 12% of people resolve anything they planned to.

Dean Anderson, a behavioral psychology expert, writes that there are 6 characteristics of an effective goal:

1. Challenging- Making a resolution to surf the internet more would be an example of taking the easy road.

2. Attainable- I'm pretty sure resolving to grow C cup boobs would be out of the question.

3. Specific- I would like to do ________ so I can then do ________.

4. Time-limited- In the next 80 years is time specific.

5. Positive- So I shouldn't vow to seek revenge against my landlord and his inability to fix things correctly? I guess I'll put away my burning bag of dog crap.

6. Flexible- All my goals involve being able to touch my elbow to my nose.

Got it? Ok. Let's make some "resolutions" for 2011!

Resolution #1: Continue my running program by running 3-4 days a week, including an outside run once a week.

- Run my 5k in March under my current 5K time by 4 minutes

- Join and complete the 10k running program through Fleet Sports

- Remain injury free by stretching properly before and after and icing my legs

when needed

Resolution #2: Progress through Guitar 3 Rep at Old Town

- Complete Guitar 2, Guitar 2 Rep, Guitar 3, and Guitar 3 Rep this year

- Make a library of guitar songs with the music given

- Get comfortable with new strum patterns

Resolution #3: Paint or draw once a month

- Study new techniques online

- Learn the difference between paint and the styles used

- Work on figure drawing

Resolution #4: Visit the library once a month

-PAY LIBRARY FINES!

- Return books on time

- Take recommendations from friends

- Read during lunch breaks or on the bus

Resolution #5: Learn how to swim

- Take the adult swim class at the Y

- Practice lap swims once a week

- Be able to swim 10 laps by October 2011

Resolution #6: Make more friends

-Be sociable at the gym and through dance class

- Attend the karaoke nights

- Arrange get togethers with current friends

- Approach strangers with genuine compliments and work on small talking

Christmas

I'm sorry for the delay in blogging. I actually wrote a pre-Christmas blog about a week ago, but the draft was lost and I'm too lazy to come up with that material again.

Call it post-Christmas-trauma disorder.

In reality, my Christmas went well. I'm too poor to purchase a Christmas tree and space wouldn't allow it if I had the $90 to fork over for plastic cinders. I improvised by re-purposing a vase of plastic daisies. Brendan provided the homemade ornaments. And just to make it even more authentic, I took one of my many couple-less socks and used it as a stocking. Here's the evidence:


All those presents are unfortunately not for me. I ended up stuffing everyone's stocking:
Dad-newest XRT cd
Melanie (step mom)- Elvis wine holder
Mom- tickets to see Million Dollar Quartet
Grandma- new outdoor thermometer
Aunt P- a personalized dessert carrier
Aunt J- a pajama set and a hand knitted scarf
Niece- gift card for target, bonnie bell lip smackers, and an Angel necklace
Nephew- two onesies and some diapers (what more does a 5 month old need?)

In return, I ended up getting:
-4 sweaters and a corduroy coat (mom)
- hoop necklace (mom)
- A new metal bed frame (aunts)
- Mattress cover, pad, and pillow topper (aunts)
- Easel and paint set (aunts)
- Two pairs of boots that didn't fit (aunts)... they are getting returned and replaced by new running pants and a new Nike hookup for my running shoes
- Large pots and pans set (dad and Melanie)
- New silverware (dad and Melanie)

What about darling boyfriend? Well, we decided to save money and make gifts for each other. I made him a tie-dye tshirt and painted a picture frame to match. He gave me an entire cd worth of songs from our relationship, but instead of it being the original artist, it's actually him singing and playing all the parts! He also played Santa and stuffed my stocking (ha!) with candy and a new candle.

Of course, Christmas wasn't without drama. This one, while sort of not unexpected, knocked everyone out. Instead of being a fight between who's gift was better or which Christmas we would attend, this year's Christmas woe was full of fear, tears, and unbelievable anger and regret. I really, really wish I could blog about it here. I have so much to say, so much anger and sadness to express that it seems unfair that I cant just come out and say what happened. My nightmares over that night have not ceased, and every day, the confusion and guilt have just increased to a boiling point.

This is not what Christmas is supposed to be. And frankly, I will never forget this Christmas night, that phone call, or the events leading up to it. I cant imagine the next couple of years not having that scar on it.

Anyways, I was blessed to have the happy moments I did. I am blessed by an amazingly resilient and giving family. And to the friend who texted me throughout the night and day, thank you. The same goes to the boyfriend who tried his best to comfort me and to make my Christmas as normal as possible.

I've been without a solid support group since I've moved to the city. My friendships have been dwindling to a precious few I can count on to have a complete conversation with. And in times like this, you understand how much you have and how much you miss. But that's part of being an adult. There's no tree back at home waiting for you to be decorated. There are no line of friends waiting to hold you or willing to drop their lives to see you. And there is certainly not a real Santa around to eat your cookies and leave you the mass amount of things you need for the apartment.

This is growing up. I'm glad to be at this part of my life because: "Try as we might, happy as we were, we can never go back."

And now, because this became a complete bummer of a post... ADORABLE CHILDREN! (credit goes to my brother's girlfriend and my sister since I was without a camera):

Niece opening up her build-a-bear. I swear she has a bajillion of these things.

Nephew and brother opening gifts. I just love this picture.

Santa "baby"!

26.2

Everyone these days is blogging about bucket lists and life goals. On Sparkpeople, a blogger friend even made her top 10 list and went through them one by one over a three month period. Another blogger finally saved up enough to buy her plane ticket to Alaska. And a third, got a Star Wars tattoo.

I've posted life goal lists on past blogs before. From what I've gathered, I've managed to accomplish:

1. Graduate with a degree in music
2. Be in a relationship longer than one year
3. Travel to Europe
4. Win a speech team event
5. Live in my own apartment in the city
6. Buy a car
7. Learn guitar (sort of in the process)
8. Perform professionally
9. Get an A in clarinet juries
10. Teach music at a school
11. Get health insurance... seriously
12. Run a 5K
13. Take a dance class
14. Sell some art work
15. Pay off my credit cards (they were paid off for three months!)

All in all, I'm doing great. There are still some major ones to be done- like get married, have a family, backpack South America (or just visit Buenos Aires), and see a World Cup game.

I was once told that the best thing to ever come out of Buenos Aires was the musical Evita. I then threw up a bit.

But my biggest goal on the unfinished, but working on it, list is to run a full marathon by the time I'm 30 (preferably at 25-26).

All of my life, I've hated running. I was always the slowest mile runner during the dreaded Presidential Fitness Tests, and I took a lot of flack for it. Seriously, gym class for an overweight pre-teen can scar a girl for life- so much so that I do have a bit of anxiety whenever I run in public for fear of being too slow.


But even at 10-11-12, I wanted to be a distance runner. I wanted to be the girl on cross country (Sue Heck, anyone?) with the long skinny legs in the shifty running shorts. In the winter, I wanted to go on polar bear runs in lycra while gliding across the ice I usually fell on. Even with all this "want," I was always to insecure to make myself go out and actually run.

"I love cross country! That's running, right?" - Sue Heck

When I started college, I realized that I would have to commit myself to fitness because my body was certainly not going to tolerate the limited food choices of the EC cafeteria and the self-hibernation I had put myself through. I joined a gym and started to walk more and more, eventually adding hills and fast walking intervals. Soon after, I discovered C25K, which led me to run my very first 5K right after I graduated. My time was nothing to write about, but it was a dream come true either way.

I stopped running when I moved to my last suburban stop. I gave every excuse in the book why I wouldn't bring myself to keep plugging outdoors. And that hiatus lasted until September of this year when I began to run again. My goal to run an outlandish 26.2 miles didn't really pop up until read a blog about a girl who ran her first marathon. For some reason, it hit me that this is what I want to do.


I want to fully understand that my body can do amazing things and perservere through winter weather, aches and pains, hills and potholes. I want to see how far I can physically and mentally push myself to overcome any past anxiety I may have in regards to running. And I want to know that I accomplished something that only a few people have and can.

So every day, I am preparing myself for that future marathon. Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays are spent at the gym running intervals or testing out my newest distance. Or I'm cross training with spin bikes and ski machines. I'm following strength training programs specifically for endurance running. On my days off, I do yoga and pilates to tone and stretch muscles I haven't seen since I was 14 or I'm working on my core strength. Every day, I'm working on preparing myself for 26.2 miles of war on my body.

Somewhere, a Russian is laughing at you while injecting himself with steroids.

I see that so many people posts lists of things they want to do or accomplish, but I've learned that if you are not actively working on your dreams, then what is the point? Nothing in your life is holding you back from making it a reality. If you want to go to Japan to see the blossoms, save up your money and buy a Japanese language book. If you want to sky dive, buy the damn groupon. And if you want to run a marathon, train like you can run a marathon.

Generic Thanksgiving Post

Tis the season to give thanks for the wonderful people in my life and the amazingly supportive family I have. Since that post would be seriously lame and an eyesore for all those who stumble on this... I am going to go the snarky route:

10. A job where I can facebook, tweet, sparkpeople, blog:
Nothing says hard at work than someone hardly working! The most taxing thing I do at work is register students for classes, which happens four times a year and lasts about a month. The other 8 months... well, it's a hodgepodge.


9. Another year of getting to act my age!:
Dear friends who are married or have children,
My life is so much better than yours 90% of the time. No shared income or closet space. No compromising on which brand of bread to buy or figuring out how much mac and cheese will feed the kids. I get to spend my non-bill money on dinners out to childrenless bars to hear bad 80s cover bands on a Tuesday night, and I never, ever have to worry about a babysitter for my children (or husband). WIN! I'm going to appreciate this until I hit prime baby making time. Then I will panic.



8. Netflix instant stream: I should just replace my cable with netflix for how often and much I milk off of the instant stream feature. It's bad when your recommended movies include the category "Animated movies featuring talking animals." Added bonus for the year: getting the Wii hookup.

If this isn't in your instant que, you are sadly missing out.

7. Elliptical obsessed women: While you spend your hour on the elliptical, I am going to take advantage of the other, more awesome cardio machines. You may look hotter bouncing up and down with little sweat, but at least I am getting more for my money.

6. Free shuttle bus to work: Every morning, I get to fight an Asian woman for the first-person-on-the-bus bragging rights. It has recently become a strategic competition. I am currently employing a big red bag to the chest to keep her from cutting in line. And when I feel vengeful, I'll sit in the seat right next to her, even when there are plenty open. Not paying for public transportation never felt so evil!


5. The "hide posts" feature on Facebook: Wackjob conservative? Post daily Christian messages? Constantly asking for me to help you on your farm? Just plain annoying?... you've been hidden. No more do I have to weed through your facebook status updates about how awesome Hannah Montana is or how sick your children are! No more emo lyrics or crappy band invites!

(It's not that I dont love you... It's just that I often dont care. If I really didn't want to hear from you, I'd de-friend you, and believe me, I've already de-friended about 200 "friends" in the past year.)

4. Online shopping: I'm done with Christmas shopping (3 days before Black Friday, to boot!). Last year, after a shopping mishap, I was forced to shop on Christmas Eve after a long shift as a seasonal employee of Target. It was at that moment where I was verbally fighting for a snowman mug full of 80 cent hot chocolate mix that I swore I would never, ever shop for non-essentials in store again.

3. Major news outlets: Where else would I get to read the article "Was Jesus a Communist?" but CNN? Or watch Glenn Beck encourage everyone to discuss inflation at their Thanksgiving dinner parties? Oh the joys of idiots with microphones and popular websites.


2. That I get to vote in Chicago: Who wouldn't want to be a voter in this clusterf*ck of a mayoral election? Rahm, Chico, Braun? It's the alphabet soup in the melting pot of rejected and "reformed" politicians. With the budget and skeletons some of these "players" have, the commercials are going to be hysterical.


1. Rotini noodles: I really dont need to explain this because, as well all know, rotini noodles can do anything (including make a pretty awesome portrait of JFK). It's just the miracle of all pasta, and for that, I am forever grateful.

Grain of Salt

Since I've rejoined Sparkpeople (for the 100th time since 2006), I've had to analyze my relationship with non-living things: food and exercise. To lose weight in a healthy manner, as I have done in the past, I constantly have to analyze and process the two things that are essential in me getting healthy.

I've talked about exercise already. I actually really love to be active, contrary to popular belief. I get restless easily so it's a tool to get myself off of the rut of couch planting-B rated netflix movie watching.


It also provides me with a social network. My spin teacher, a crazy mad deamon in bike shorts, does what she calls "talk tests" where she brings up a random (often X-rated) topic and has us each talk for 10 seconds to a minute about it. It's often during peak sets or tempo sprints, but there is no better laugh than talking blow jobs while forcing yourself not to pass out on a stationary bike. Since I've moved to Chicago, my friend zone has been at, well, about a zero- besides my boyfriend's friend and family and occasional phone calls and emails. At least when I am spinning in a room full of girls, doing dirty "talk tests," I can get out that need to giggle, joke, gossip, and emasculate men that I would normally have if I was living in the burbs and able to see my MIA girlfriends.

And, more often than not, exercise does quite the opposite- it elevates the social process of life. Do you want to just totally lose every grip on any stress in your life? Well, I know it's corny and so late 90s, but try yoga. I recommend this looking up yogamazing, a free Itunes podcast featuring a very calming teacher. Want to literally sing away away anger while burning calories? Watch this and try not to laugh:



There's always that scientific thing about endorphins...


As for food... well, that's less clear cut. If we are going to be honest here and do some self reflection, I will just straight out say that I am a terrible eater. As a child, my diet was fat, carbs, and more fat. I avoided veggies like the plague (and quite honestly still do... just never could physically eat green beans or broccoli). It contributed to an overweight, unhappy child that would grow to an overweight, unhappy adult.

Just like about 99.9% of you, I turn to food for comfort in times of stress and a quick pick-me-up when I need a burst of energy. Food is social. It's where the majority of first dates take place, served at weddings, left out at funerals. Food follows us through life and defines who we are, whether I like to admit that or not.



I struggle, currently, with a heavy salt/sodium addiction. It is added or showcased in most of my food, and, in return, it retains all of the 8 cups of water I struggle to drink per day. It is the reason why my feet and fingers are constantly cold or why I am exhausted at odd hours of the day.

But even knowing this, I am still a salt fiend. I still crave it. I still keep a dispenser filled with seasoned salt on my eating table (for real). This is my life. It's what I hold on to, and that's depressing. Even with all the anger and resentment that comes from having past food addictions and seeing what negative hold it had on me for so long, I still let something as minuscule as a grain of salt hold on to me.

Normally, I'd write my solution or some goal. But I'm being realistic when I say that this salt craving will never, ever go away. I'm always going to want to whip up some popcorn or dash some seasalt on my potato skins. It's just going to have to be something I work around and with- just like any human relationship. I'll have to compromise and dedicate myself, just as anyone who wants to make a major change in their life would do.

Salt, you win. You can stay.

If I Was Brave...

This week, I watched/stalked several friends as they moved away from home or out of state, for the first time since college. It's always been a dream of mine to just pack my things up and go, just like some of these friends.

But realistically, in my world, there are things called leases, job contracts, and relationships that will keep my suitcase empty until (at least) May.

Many of you will think, "Well, why cant she just go, if that's what she really wants? Leases can be broken, or apartments can be sublet. Job contracts are only ways of determining salaries, and relationships can be made elsewhere or kept stable with extra effort."

The truth is, I'm just not brave enough. I'm not like Ms. Seattle or the two Ms. Floridas, who seemingly found a destination and went without reassuring measures (i.e. have a job).

But a lack of bravery isn't just stopping me from moving. Here's a look of all the things I would do if I only had "the nerve.":

10. Moving away

• What it would take: A new job that pays better than what I have currently (it honestly wouldn't be that hard to find)

• What I would risk: My current job, a great relationship, and breaking a very expensive city lease
• Then when?: My goal is to be out by the end of June.

9. Telling people off

• What it would take: Coming to terms with the fact that there are certain people in my life who I find ridiculous or toxic.
• What I would risk: "Friendships."
• Then when?: Undetermined, but if I might hit a breaking point soon.
  

8. Performing in public

• What it would take: A band and some alcohol
  
• What I would risk: Looking unworthy of my four year degree and countless years of voice lessons and band practices
• Then when?: As soon as someone jumps up on my offer to form a alternative folk band/or when I get good enough at guitar to want to post something online

7. Cook complicated dishes

• What it would take: Someone, who is equally brave, to ask me to make it for them
• What I would risk: Food poisoning
  
• Then when?: After maybe 3 or 4 more months of this cooking 3 new meals deal I'm on

6. Take a CTA bus alone (to anywhere)

• What it would take: Alcohol, alcohol wipes, and a destination not reachable by car or El line.
• What I would risk: Germs, robbery, and depending on the amount of old people, pee covered seats
• Then when?: Hopefully never

5. Run a 10K

• What it would take: Well, I'm on that "journey" now, but I'm having some mental blocks that need to be plowed down
• What I would risk: Being the "big girl running."
• Then when?: March is my target. Yesterday, I managed to run outside for the first time in months. It was great. And I've been honestly flying through my re-do of C25K. It seems like I'm getting back that running strength that I had 2 years ago when I ran my first 5K.

4. Go to a concert- alone

• What it would take: Alcohol and an amazing band everyone else hates
• What I would risk: See "CTA bus" risks
• Then when?: As soon as I can come up with the money to even treat myself to a concert.

3. Pay off my credit cards completely

• What it would take: A savings account with more money than 2 months emergency rent
• What I would risk: Same savings account
• Then when?: When I get that dream job in a different state/country that will pay me double of what I am earning now

2. Wear high heels to work

• What it would take: Insoles and the mysterious disappearance of all of my flats
• What I would risk: Falling on my ass or face
• Then when?: Do they have classes for how to walk properly in heels? How about one on how to make foot pain disappear?

1. Tell everyone important in my life just how much they mean to me

• What it would take: Deciphering who those people are and what I should say to them.
• What I would risk: From most people, nothing. From some, an entire relationship
• Then when?: ...

Speaking of important people in my life, a certain boyfriend and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary. This year has flown by. I know it's corny, but it really does feel like yesterday when he called me up for the first time (while my car was being towed). And then his second call took place during a friend's breakup. It seemed like we weren't going to even be able to talk, let alone go out on a date or have a relationship.

Our first date was pretty typical, sports bar for food and a terrible teenage cover band followed by a night of drinks in Elmhurst. Our first kiss was in the parking garage, thinking we were saying goodbye... And it continued like that for the rest of year. We'd spend one night a week together- mostly at the Elgin Public House.

In January, it became much more serious as our one day together became two. We seemingly became official without it ever becoming official as I met his friends and family. I said the three words first, while laying down, unafraid of what he was going to say back. He relented a week later, a day after his birthday, in my kitchen, eating my supposedly vegan chocolate chip cookies.

And when I moved to the city, closer to him, we became the couple we are today. I'm so glad to have found a man that I can laugh with, scream at, and try new foods with. He constantly challenges me intellectually and keeps me on my toes with surprises and excitement. He's always willing to be present when I need him, drive my car when I'm tired (or park it in a difficult spot), and make me mix tapes for when I'm feeling blue.

But most importantly, he's the man I'm always willing to share my homemade popcorn with. And seriously, that takes some bravery.

A Tour of the Gym

I'm a pretty experienced gym person. I've been around and experimented like every college girl should.

I've been in the expensive, purpose driven, Olympic athlete-filled chain gym. For about 80 a month, you get to watch as girls the size of toothpicks and men with pecks the size of my head bounce up and down on the stair master for hours, or until someone enforces the dreaded "time limit." The treadmill is for running only. And by running, I mean sprinting for said "time limit" or until the machine forces the person to slow their ass down.

Gym etiquette is actually quite lovely at gyms such as these. Mainly, it's because everyone is so focused on running or elliptical-ing off every last lettuce induced calorie possible that they are too faint to talk. There's no loud chit chat (plus, it's hard to hear over the 90s pop blasting over industrial fans) or brutish men trying to pick up heavily makeup-ed women. It's get in and stay in till you drop or are removed by a staff member with a shovel.



Then there's the college gym. Tried and true it never fails to be a melting pot of athletes clinging to the hope that maybe they'll make it to the professional leagues, even though they play AAA sports. But there is also the unfortunate mix of frat boys working off the hangover from last night, sorority girls trying to pick up currently puking frat boy, and overweight smart people who are there only to fulfill the requirements set down by some 90 year old pseudo-gym teacher.

Obviously, gym etiquette is non-existent, except for Saturday nights or Sunday mornings when sorority girls get their cardio from the walk of shame.

And of course, there is the community gym. I am currently occupying a community gym every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. What you get from a scholarship and merit based facility is the mix between the college and the purpose driven.

There are people, like me, who are obviously there to get healthy. We're trying. We're trying our hardest and it may not be pretty (ask my boyfriend, I'm not pretty when I sweat), but give us credit. It's a mix bag of moms, old men, and 20-30 year old single women with nothing else to do on a Tuesday night (but watch Glee while training for a 5K).

Many of these people bring their children for the low child care cost and pool availability. But apparently, putting these kids in the care facility is easier said than done. Instead of fighting off bros and hos for the next spot on the elliptical, I get to be cut in line by an 8 year old who cant even pedal. They're, of course, sweaty, sticky, and full of germs that not even industrial strength gym cleaning fluid can get off the bench press.

But they aren't the worst. The worst is the high school boys. They are the inspiration, nay muse, behind this post. High school boys come in groups, or as I like to refer to them as drones, because as instantly as they set their weights up, everyone drops. Who knows what compels them to blast "Iron Man" at 8pm on a Thursday, but who even knows why they need it when they clearly tend to shout over poor Ozzie to. And what they shout is always a vulgar comment about a girl on the ski machine or an older man lifting light weights. They ruin the gym experience.

This weekend, I had my revenge. After overhearing a high school basketball player talking about how he had to enroll in a "fat woman's biking class" because his coach made him, my motivation kicked in to high, bitch like gear. Instead of helping him properly find his bike settings, every woman in that class ignored his grunts as he realized how uncomfortable a spin bike is. Then the class started. Through sprints and "half way ups," I could see him failing. His eyes grew beady and he was clearly in pain. When we shouted out our mileage, he was far behind us. And then it happened, he asked to leave. He blamed it on cramps so the teacher, a waif of a girl, pulled him off the bike and escorted him to the fountain. She made him down some pretty hysterical yoga stretches while we "fat women" continued to spin. He watched, head in his lap, trying not to pass out.



So, the next time you're at the gym, remember the gym/societal rules:
1. Children have no place in an adult gym. Nor do college frat boys with the same intelligence level.

2. Wipe down your machines so to avoid spreading last night's fresh herpes.

3. Dont wear makeup to the gym. Seriously. You'll look redic if you actually break a sweat. No one likes a sweaty raccoon.

4. "Iron Man" may seem appropriate. But it is never warranted.

5. Heed the time limit, even if you have the "big race" the next week.

5. Do not underestimate the power of a woman on a diet and her will to beat the treadmill/bike/elliptical/free weights/etc. She's got much more important things on her mind than which size of triceps will impress the most.