Eat Run Eat

For some reason, as I was typing the title of this blog, this song got stuck in my head:

I'm. So. HUNGRY. So much so, that I'm googling this:

Yes, that is the Hot Doug's menu, and no, I've never been there before. JUDGE ME!!!

 

I've been eating poorly this week. Between the Sonic, ice cream, Rainforest cafe, 2 bags of (eek!) microwavable popcorn, Taco Johns, etc... well, I haven't done so hot. 

I'm just so hungry.

 

No. Really. My stomach is singing symphonies to me, and they are more on the line of:

 

In my head, I tell myself over and over that I should be satisfied with between 1300-1800 calories. That's what I need to maintain and/or lose weight. I dont need anymore. 

Than I read articles that tell me to eat as much as I like. I'm a runner for Zeus-sake. Putting out over 20 miles a week means I earn a friggin' cheeseburger or nine. And those fries--carb loading for the weekend. 

But, deep down, I know that this binge is not meant to be. Want to lose weight? You have to eat less, but also more. Try to get a deficit in calories in vs. calories out, but dont take too much out or you'll hit starvation mode. 

Frack.

I just want to eat. And eat. AND eat. Preferably, I want to munch on salty, hummus covered anything. As I run longer and farther, that want turns in to a need as the stomach basically threatens to eat itself. Sometimes, this hunger is frightening just in its intensity. Of course, it comes with headaches, tiredness, Modesky-esque rumbling... etc. 

So, I feed it, and I remember that if my stomach is to the point that it could overpower an 80s cover band, then I should eat. I try to be sensible about it. I continue to promise myself that when I ramp down my running in two weeks, I'll eat less, especially less carbs until this all begins again for marathon training.

Kilts and Dollas

I've mentioned it briefly before, but I'm currently giving myself $1 per mile run (doubles on races).

It's a sweet little motivator considering I am horrible about not putting money away voluntarily. Sure, I have direct deposit where I put a portion in to my 403B (whatever the hell that is, but it sounds fan-cy) and another little portion in to my savings account. But those portions are small and insignificant and I rarely just move money over when it's left over from bills and fun stuff.

So, every morning I run, I spend about two minutes transferring over small amounts of money back and forth from my checking account to savings. Obviously, the amounts are small- $3.10 on Tuesdays, $6.20 on Thursdays, between $10-$14 on Sundays. But in total, it's a good $20ish a week or around $80-100 a month.

I already know what I'm going to spend it on (because you really dont think that I'm saving for nothing)... VACATION!

 

I haven't had a real vacation in years. Seriously, multitudes of years. I love traveling and since I'm not saving up for babies, weddings, homes, cars, etc.... I can afford (har har) to take some me time and move around a bit. 

My sister and I are currently talking Scotland. I should mention that my sister had to be dragged screaming on family vacations, so her wanting to go to Scotland is a complete surprise. I did have to explain, with utter frustration, that you couldn't just do a weekend in Scotland. The plane alone would take 7+ hours and we would lose time. The concept seemed lost. 

We still dont get it, Daniel.

 

However, I'm more than happy to visit Scotland. It's not the first place on my travel list. But, if it gets me out of the house and using my passport, I'm down with that. 

Plus, who doesn't want to see the land of Sean Connery? 

So, from now on, during my runs I will be thinking about martinis and Sean Connery. Maybe I'll try to pace myself to Annie Lennox or use some Braveheart quotes as my running motto when I'm in a rut. Sounds good to me.

Mission Accomplished: 1000 Miles

I'm not really one to make and keep a goal. I'm forgetful and old in my ways. Resolutions were more of an idea rather than feasible reality.

But on January 1st, I made an insignificant proclamation that I would make my body travel 1000 miles by my birthday, which just so happens to be this Thursday. My rules were:

Walking under a 17 minute mile didn't count
Normal transportation from work, grocery store, beach, restaurant, etc. also didn't count
My heart rate should be in the fat burning "zone" (or over 110 bpms)
Only miles that were counted on my spark tracker- so no elliptical, step machine, stair climber, row machine, etc.

Each month, I clocked in around 80 miles from the spin bike. I am a terribly dedicated spinner. I  love everything about it. First of all, it can be adjusted. When I'm injured or have tired legs from other workouts, I can lower my resistance. I can also take standing breaks, which are easier on my body than spinning completely in the saddle. Secondly, it can be competitive if you are in the right class. My Saturday morning power group basically competes to see who can get the top mileage for the week. 30 miles in a little over an hour is always my goal. We even have competitions to see who can sit and spin over 80 rpms at the highest resistance (I'll never win that one)! But most importantly, spin is all around conditioning. Obviously it is a killer workout for your thighs and calves, but it also tones your ass and forces your core to stay balanced and engaged.

And if you are lucky, and your gym has a Spinning machine with the video... you get to watch this guy calmly lead you through fake hills and fast tracks:

No, seriously, this guy is like the zen master of spin classes. My current instructors just yell at you till you want to cry. This guy wants you to be one with the bike.

Ok, so spinning covered roughly 480-500 miles of my 1000 mile goal. The other 500 miles?

Running.

Holy smokes, I ran over 400 miles this year SO FAR. That's roughly the distance from Chicago to Nashville, TN. I am blown away by that number. Just being able to accomplish that makes up for the torn up feet and random leg pains.Oh, and the constant need to consume everything in site (see last post on pita chips).

This morning is when I crossed over to the 1000 threshold. In fact, Spark says that I am 3 miles over that.

This run also happened to be my last run of my 23rd year. It was an easy 3.1 miler, one that I ran out by the marina. I usually dont run there because it can get crowded, but it was such a lovely morning and you could see the city rising from the waterfront at just about every turn. When I hit the half way mark, I didn't even want to turn around. I contemplated being late for work or calling off all together. That's what running does to you.

Giving myself a new body and lifestyle is and was the ultimate gift.

Now, for the next 6 months, my goal is to get in 900 miles. Yes, I know, that's 100 fewer than the last 6, but, as Game of Thrones urges: Winter is coming.

Now, go celebrate your lofty-ish goals, my friends. I will be.

Remeber When I LOVED It?

I awoke to the sun shining, birds twirpping (twittering?), and the breeze blowing through my window. Perfect weather... if it wasn't 5am and time to run.

4-5 times a week, I do this to myself. I sleep in parts of my workout outfit and lay out the rest of my gear the night before. Everything is in the living room so I dont wake up slumbering SOB. My Garmin 305 is charged, my Ipod is synched up to my ever rotating playlist, and I have the bad weather gear nearby in case. It's all routine.

My alarm goes off right at 5:02am and I typically roll out like a rodeo clown from a barrel. I'm out the door at 5:20 and stretching outside on the benches by 5:30. After a couple minutes of searching for a satellite, my Garmin locates me, and I'm off.

My pace is always much faster on my first run interval... typically at 9:40-9:50 min/mile. In my head, I kid you not, I'm counting down seconds until my walk break. When I get bored, I make a deal with myself that if I make it to the next lamp post in 5 seconds, I'll check my watch. Oh, and I do some heavy duty people watching. Nothing like hot ass runner watching in the wee morning hours.

This goes on...and on...and on until 2.5 miles or around 30 minutes. I'd go longer, but I just dont have the time. 

I'm just here to get it done. Train. Move my butt. Make it easy... whatever. This certainly isn't a Nike ad quality workout. It's just work.

Nike: King of Inspiration Marketing.

And if you read through all of that, I'm surprised. I'm even boring myself. And that's the point. These training runs are not important or interesting to me anymore. When people ask how my morning runs go or how I could wake up that early to run on some gravel path, I lack the enthusiasm I once had. I dont share details of how my pace was or if I got any hellos from hobos. I just did it. It's become a no motivation, low energy, get-it-done-and-shower kind of deal.

I once read that people who do sports or work on their fitness should be proud. I mean, how many people are honestly up at 5am and running? How many do it in rain, snow, fog, wind? How many do it, period? In this city, there are 2.6 million people- 239,000 are my age, half are female. I've already bested the majority of those people by just stepping foot outside the door and walking at more than a 19 minute mile.

But I certainly dont feel like it's an accomplishment anymore. It's become so routine and mundane. Even moments of pure beauty, when the sun is rising off the lake or birds seemingly chase me down the path, I cant find energy in it. It's all tired and old news.

I'm blaming it on my current relapse of depression. Currently, everything is nothing to me. Just a big blank empty slate that I am not willing to fill up. Maybe running, my once favorite thing in the world, has fallen to it. I'm hoping my 12.5 mile long run on Sunday will help me get it back. I never feel better than when I hit a new accomplishment or when my leg muscles feel like they are peeling off the bone.

In other news... I'm selling two or four PAUL MCCARTNEY tickets for his July 31st, Wrigley Field show. You want them? Bid on Ebay!

Get At It

Wow. Gone since March.

Well, dont I feel like a fool.

The last time I wrote, I had just finished running my first 5K of the year. Since then, I ran a 10K and another 5K, moved to a different (and more awesome) neighborhood, officially started living with my SOB (significant other Brendan), and learned a whole bunch of awesome sauce things about myself that are too plentiful to list.

The one thing I haven't done, though? Lost weight. Me, High Empress of Consistency, hasn't managed to make the scales budge. AT ALL.

Oh sure, my 5K time is 5-6 minutes faster, run 11 miles straight, swim three different strokes for 300 meters without a rest, and constantly beat everyone in the mileage challenge at my regular spin class.

But that scale, yeah, it's a fickle bitch.

It hasn't been without trying. I mean, my schedule is pretty awesome:
Monday: 120 minutes of high intensity cardio (run, hill climbs, spin class or by myself, row machines, kickboxing, elliptical of doom, etc.)
Tuesday: 5am recovery run, 40 minutes of full body strength training
Wednesday: 60 minute swim training and possibly a spin class if I get there on time and can be persuaded by the teacher.
Thursday: 5am speed run, 40 minutes of more strength training
Friday: 60 minutes of yoga, pilates, and walk or hill runs
Saturday: SPIN CLASS FROM HELLLLLL
Sunday: Long run of 5+ miles or races and another 40 minutes of strength

I devote over 500 minutes of working this body till it's covered in sweat and screaming for a break. I've pushed it to some insane (and often smelly) limits.

But nada results.

I need a cookie. Fine. I want it. Damnit.

How's my eating... well, you can check out my sparkpage for that info. Just look at my food logs. I get in some decent food. I'm working on more veggies and less carbs thing. It's a process, I hear.

So, what am I doing back in blogger world? Well. On spark, I sadly have to censor myself. Sometimes I want to use the "f" or similar singular letter'd words, but get the big error button when I try to submit it. Other times, I want to talk more about my personal life, but I feel a bit off doing it there. Sure, I'll keep doing my weekly updates, but I'm hoping to keep this ol' blog alive. This is my space to vent about the joys of weight loss and fitness training. I've got some big goals to accomplish, like running the Chicago Rock n' Roll Half in August, and this is my space to be like "fuck it, I wanna run freeeee."

Another confession before I hit the "publish post" button? See, I have this thing called depression. Me and 9.5% of America suffer or make ourselves suffer through it. It's dark hole suckage and it sadly encompasses more than my personal head space. It grips and pulls at everyone and thing close to me until we are all nothing but couch dwellers, sheet hiders, and stagnant robots. It's been over 10 years since my diagnosis, and yet I still haven't found the perfect mixture of coping methods. Running myself in to a frenzy and punishing myself in spin classes have oddly helped me over the last year. But, lately, I've felt more detached, more tired, and more nothing. There will be times when this blog will be nothing but a space for me to be a whiny bitch, and I apologize in advance. I know that my depression lasts for months at a time and then will go away, so just know, it's temporary. Seasons change, and so does my mind. We are all evolving creatures.

To sum this awkward rambling of a blog post up, if you read these furthermore posts, feel free to comment. I dont expect it, but welcome it. Give me feedback. Yell at me and my confessions. If I take more than one rest day in a row, send me hate mail. And if I eat more than 2000 calories a day, please, feel free to come on over to the Up and Up apartment complex and steal my bucket of fried chicken from under me.