Why I Dont Support Your Weight Loss

Support from family and friends means the absolute world to me. Even when you dont know it, you are giving me the strength and courage to fight my deamons- weight loss, depression, desire to eat popcorn every night, addiction to MTV reality shows, etc.

Today, one of my coworkers, whom I only see in the Fall, stopped by my office to ask about music gigs. The first thing she said to me was "Oh my goodness. When did you get so small?" She didn't know that I had been working my ass (literally) off for the last 9 months. She wasn't prompted or given a cookie to say such nice things. And I wasn't wearing lyrca infused miracle panties. She just said it.

Feeling good, I thanked her for her words and we started discussing running and all of my races, including this weekend's Fleet Feet Women's 10K/5K. Little does she know that when I'm running on Sunday, I'll be thinking about how her face lit up when I said, without hesitation, that I am running to get healthy.

It's easy to blow smoke up my ass. It is still that large, but it's one thing to show genuine interest. And that's what keeps me moving. I hope I do the same in return for all of my friends who are out there at the gym or are posting fitspiration blogs and race recaps. We are all in this together.

BUT, and it's a big BUT, I will not support just anyone. You have to do this smartly. This shouldn't just be about the number on the scale or the size of your tape measure. This is about obtaining the healthiest, manageable lifestyle. For many of us, that does include dropping 20-30-40-50-100lbs. So, just so we are clear on why I'm not friending you back on Sparkpeople or why I refuse to give you any advice on facebook, here's a list of my exceptions:

I will NOT support you if you are intentionally eating under 1200 calories a day. Whether it be for a wackado diet or your own need to cut your calories, 1200 is not sufficient. 1200 calories is what you need to have normal brain function- that's not to strive, create, push yourself through tough workouts. 1200 is the baseline low that you should shoot to get over. And when I mean over, let me say that as a 4'11" female at the weight of this tshirt cannon:

I strive to eat between 1400 calories (non-workout days), 1600 calories (strength and short runs), 2000 calories (long runs or over 2 hours of cardio). I'm assuming you are not as short as me, so add about 100 calories to each of those numbers and you most likely have the number you should be eating at if you are female.

I wont even begin to list all the horrors that could go on if you continue to eat at 1200, but let's sum it up by saying that you will most likely give up, gain weight (starvation mode really does suck), or wind up with depression/muscle loss/fatigue/hair and nail loss/etc. So dont do it, please.

On the same line, I will NOT support you if you partake in a dangerous or redic. diet trend. That 1200 number? Subtract it by about 400 calories. That's how much you are allowed to eat for the first week of a diet that requires you to also inject yourself with hormones twice a day. How idiotic does that sound? And oddly enough, it's a real thing that quack doctors supposedly recommend. Do not tell me you are doing this diet to be healthy when clearly the means of getting you there are downright dangerous.

 Even the caveman doesn't want to participate in the Caveman Diet.

I will NOT support you if you dont give yourself rest days. It's a rookie mistake, I know, and there are weeks in which I will forget that my body cannot recover unless I let it. If you're a new runner, dont run every day. In fact, 3 days a week is what most 5K-10K runners use to train. Any more is unnecessary and can lead to injury. And, if you dont allow your body to rest, I can guarantee you that you will burn out.

I will NOT support you if you are not completely honest about your program and effort. I just read a story about a woman who is tired of listing to her friend complain about all the hard work she puts in at the gym with little results to show. The story goes on to say that the author frequently saw her put in 10 minutes on the "old lady" bike and then spend an hour at the juice bar with a protein shake and a cereal bar.

I know, working out is hard work. And often times, you will get sweaty. Your makeup will run. Your hair will become matted and frayed. And fitness clothes? Sometimes not the most flattering to do squats in. Dont get me started on how boring machines can get or how intimidating classes can be... But these are all excuses. You dont burn a cookie off without sweating just a bit. And you certainly cant take back all those trips to Wendys without making some puddles in spin class. Suck it up. You get what you put in. It may not be immediate and it may not be as exciting as you had hoped, but it will come and it will pay off.

And finally, I will NOT support you if you try to sell me something. When did weight loss become the Mary Kay industry? I'm not knocking those who do it, and I apologize in advance if you do sell for these organizations. But here's a big warning: Do not even attempt to sell to me. I wont bite. Same thought, but dont even try to make me a part of your "sales team." I'm not going to your fitness party and I'm certainly not trying your "gourmet" shakes (that will subsequently cost me over $200/month for).

It's that easy. Eat right, put in the right amount of exercise, know when to rest, and dont try to sell me shit. Do this and I promise that I'll be there at every mile to cheer you on and blow smoke up your huge bum until it's small and perky.

Fit Book Review

I own a total of one, count them ONE, fitness oriented books. You'd think with my obsession, I'd have a library full, but I'm sadly not on the book bandwagon.That, and I feel weird about buying books.

Anyways, ever since I started my ongoing Biggest Loser Challenge on sparkpeople.com, I've heard nothing but raves for one book in particular:

Friends were getting pretty awesome and consistent results with this book, so I set out to get one. Only problem was my aversion to buying books. While the CPL has a couple in it's shelves, it is ALWAYS checked out. When I finally got my new toy (my precious!), I decided to bite the bullet and download it. Having an electronic copy made it easier for me to lug it around to my apartment's gym and local YMCA anyways. Win-win.

Now, for the good stuff.

The book is split up in to four-ish sections:
I. The introduction. Obviously, it does as it should. It gives you a vague overview about what you're getting in to and some of the benefits of making ladies lift barbells instead of "Barbie" weights. I already lift weights regularly and do not use the pastel colored variety, so this already made sense to me. This is a great section to read if you are on the fence about your need to lift anything but a tv remote and spoon as it does walk you through the medical reasons why weight lifting is better than about 80% of what you probably do in the gym today. Throughout the book, he uses a large number of somewhat recent medical and university based studies to support or break down his findings. He even tells you when they are small studies, which I support as a complete and utter nerd.

What I did not like is how he puts down endurance training. What he says about endurance (especially running), makes sense in that cardio, especially non-interval work for long periods of time, breaks down muscles while strength training builds it back up. However, I think there are many cardiovasucal benefits that outweigh the good and bad of running or elliptical hogging. The trick is, as he notes, is to focus on intervals rather than continuing endurance. Since I Jeff Galloway my runs, I essentially does what the author supports.
 
II. Nutrition. As you most likely know, there are a BAJILLION diets out there. Most of the big ones- Watchers of Weights, Carbs Are Evil, Near Starvation, Carbs Are Our Friends, etc.- get some attention. He sums up his "diet" pretty simply. We cannot survive on 1200 calories (the lowest we can go to optimally function, but oddly, what most diet gurus suggest). We need the right amount of fuel from macro nutrients: fat, carbs, and protein. By eliminating or drastically decreasing one of those nutrients, we are depleting ourselves of what our bodies need to survive and prosper. Especially when lifting, macro nutrients mean even more to help build the muscle. He suggests the Zone like 30-40-30 ratio. Meaning, most meals should be 40% of your caloric intake should be carbs, and 30% and 30% should be fat and protein.

Protein is the main emphasis. He suggests buying whey protein powder, which I have been meaning to get for my morning smoothies. I, personally struggle with protein consumption. I tend to eat only about 60-80 grams a day when we should, as exercisers, get 100+. Now, as we know SOB is a vegan and protein consumption can be very difficult for those who are not living off of perdue chicken planks like I am. The author does mention vegan and vegetarian lifestyles in a somewhat positive way, but this book is not for you if you are unable to manage that large amount of protein in your diet.

III. Workout Plan. Basically, his strength plans are all large muscle groups with light emphasis on the core (which, if you read or study the body, you know that the core are actually muscles connected to other muscles... so you are working your core when you use your legs, shoulders, etc). My first workout was last night and it went like this:
Warm Up: Floor to stand squats
Exercise A (continuous): 2 sets of 15 reps of barbell squats
Exercise B1 and B2 (repeated): 2 sets of 15 reps of 60 degree angle push ups and 2 sets of 15 reps of step ups with 10lb weights in each hand
Exercise C1 and C2 (repeated): 2 sets of 15 reps of standing rows with barbell and 2 sets of 8 reps of a jackknife lunge on the swiss ball

Now, this is the easiest workout, so the amount and quality increases over time, but you can personalize it however you want. He does not tell you how much weight to use, but even though I do lift frequently, I struggled with just the weighted barbell on the squats and rows. Unless you are using a very light or smaller barbell, this could be quite the challenge ahead. Oh, and I should mention that even with the 60 second rests in between the sets, I did this routine in 30 minutes. I like efficiency in my workouts.

Overall, the book gives you enough plans for about 6-9 months of workouts. They are also broken down in different stages and the exercises offer vary in difficulty. The pictures of the workouts are great and really helped me decipher what was needed to be done, but if you aren't a picture person, his descriptions are pretty straight forward. Just read beforehand.

What I did not like... 6 months is all you get. There is really no explanation on what to do when you finish the program. It's just done. I also do not like that he doesn't list the equipment you will need. If I didn't have access to my apartment gym or YMCA, I'd be furious if I bought this. Just in case you're curious, you will need: a barbell with plates, a step (preferably a block step or a bench), hand weights over 5lbs, swiss balls, and cable machines (but there are modifications mentioned if you do not have this). All in all, I got it done in my bare minimum apartment gym, but my barbell was much larger than the one used in his book, I used a bench as my step block, and I opted to do the standing row instead of a sitting one since I dont have a cable machine that modifies.

IV. Motivation. The last part is about motivation. To be honest, it didn't really inspire me, but I've been on this journey for awhile. When I got to the last section, I just wanted to do it. I didn't need to hear about all the excuses he hears or how he wishes me well. I do like that he is no-nonsense. Just get your work done. You're on vacation? Great. Take it, enjoy it, maybe workout if that's your thing. But when you get home, get in to the routine. Ok. Kids stressing you out? Deal with that. Work out later. Modify. Adjust. Adjust some more.

So my overall opinion is that this book would be great for those ladies out there who are intimidated by the weight room, but who have some experience with weights or lifting. If you have no idea what a barbell is or cannot perform a pushup on your knees, try something lighter until you're ready. You will not lose weight with lifting, but you will most likely lose inches and gain some balls-to-the-wall confidence. And, dear god, you will NOT bulk up. 

Obsessed?

I'm not going to splenda-coat this: My self esteem is as low as it has ever been. This measurement also takes in consideration the month long, no-sleep marathon my freshman year of college that made me break down over jean purchasing. I was about 10lbs thinner then. Yikes.

Things I have previously found beautiful about me have been slowly slipping away over the last year. I used to love how long my hair has grown. Now it's a rat's nest that I dont even bother to straighten or curl. My once lovely chin is covered in blackheads. My fearsome calves? Tree trunks.

I've gone from examining myself in the mirror to avoiding it at all costs just so I can save myself some time in self-humiliation:

 
Last night, my bad side was apparently out in full force and SOB had had enough of it. Later in the evening, I mentioned wanting to give in and buy P90X, he laid it on me:

My low self-esteem has made me become obsessed with working out.

Obsessed? I wouldn't necessarily say that. Let's analyze:

Do I spend the majority of my time reading about working out?: No. I spend more time researching my nutrition and obsessing over Etsy creations. Oh, and cute animal pictures. 

How many hours a day do I spend working out?: About 40 minutes-two hours 5 days a week. 

How much money have I spent on working out?: My  monthly investments are a $20/ month membership to the Y and $5-10 a month on dance classes. On time purchases are at $20 on a running and lifting book, $120 on a Garmin watch, $80 on shoes, $200 on race sign ups. I haven't bought any new weights, videos, memberships, special foods or cooking supplies, etc.

Would I physically or mentally fall apart if I missed a schedule day of workouts?: No. This holiday weekend was evidence of that. I missed 3 in a row days of exercise. I ran only once. My only dedicated exercise from Thursday-Monday was one spin class. Did I feel guilty? Yes. I did. Only because I know how easy it is to take one or two days off and it turn in to a month or a year. But I dont fret or moan. I dont even complain much. I just resign to the fact that whatever I missed will get done at some other time. 

The results: Yes. I am obsessed. 

Dude, I'm writing a blog totally dedicated to my workouts and depression. Of course I am obsessed.

The first thing I do when I wake up is plan my fitness routine. Am I running? I'll sleep in my sports bra and wave shorts. Am I swimming later? I'll make sure to rest my arms during the day. Is it a rest day? I make sure my calories are lower. I go over little plans of attack from 5am-10pm every day.

I have calenders for my workouts, spreadsheets for my weight lifting, printed out ideas for swim workouts, posted goals for running and spinning. My entire life is a reminder that there is a run coming, spin class on Saturday, and that I want to fit in this dress by this date. Oh, and I force my boyfriend to leave the living room so I can put on a 20 minute strength video OnDemand that's hosted by some woman with a smoker's voice and a Richard Simmons attitude.

I am obsessed and it is no one's fault but mine. I made myself in to this subhuman, weight lifting, cardio bunny. 

But here's the deal. I dont think I want to fix it. My weight and body composition are no where near what it should be for a girl my height and shape. I may have a good 22lbs start on fixing it, but I'm still about 30lbs behind. I have to be obsessed. This is my health I'm putting on the line. This is my ability to have children, sleep properly, walk up stairs without developing smoker's lung, shop anywhere I want, wear strapless dresses, eat a burrito in public, or shake what my mama gave me without having to worry about things shaking that my mother clearly did not give me. 

I give in. I'm obsessed.

Wednesday weigh-in: Even after a week off, I lost this week. -0.7lbs 

Grain of Salt

Since I've rejoined Sparkpeople (for the 100th time since 2006), I've had to analyze my relationship with non-living things: food and exercise. To lose weight in a healthy manner, as I have done in the past, I constantly have to analyze and process the two things that are essential in me getting healthy.

I've talked about exercise already. I actually really love to be active, contrary to popular belief. I get restless easily so it's a tool to get myself off of the rut of couch planting-B rated netflix movie watching.


It also provides me with a social network. My spin teacher, a crazy mad deamon in bike shorts, does what she calls "talk tests" where she brings up a random (often X-rated) topic and has us each talk for 10 seconds to a minute about it. It's often during peak sets or tempo sprints, but there is no better laugh than talking blow jobs while forcing yourself not to pass out on a stationary bike. Since I've moved to Chicago, my friend zone has been at, well, about a zero- besides my boyfriend's friend and family and occasional phone calls and emails. At least when I am spinning in a room full of girls, doing dirty "talk tests," I can get out that need to giggle, joke, gossip, and emasculate men that I would normally have if I was living in the burbs and able to see my MIA girlfriends.

And, more often than not, exercise does quite the opposite- it elevates the social process of life. Do you want to just totally lose every grip on any stress in your life? Well, I know it's corny and so late 90s, but try yoga. I recommend this looking up yogamazing, a free Itunes podcast featuring a very calming teacher. Want to literally sing away away anger while burning calories? Watch this and try not to laugh:



There's always that scientific thing about endorphins...


As for food... well, that's less clear cut. If we are going to be honest here and do some self reflection, I will just straight out say that I am a terrible eater. As a child, my diet was fat, carbs, and more fat. I avoided veggies like the plague (and quite honestly still do... just never could physically eat green beans or broccoli). It contributed to an overweight, unhappy child that would grow to an overweight, unhappy adult.

Just like about 99.9% of you, I turn to food for comfort in times of stress and a quick pick-me-up when I need a burst of energy. Food is social. It's where the majority of first dates take place, served at weddings, left out at funerals. Food follows us through life and defines who we are, whether I like to admit that or not.



I struggle, currently, with a heavy salt/sodium addiction. It is added or showcased in most of my food, and, in return, it retains all of the 8 cups of water I struggle to drink per day. It is the reason why my feet and fingers are constantly cold or why I am exhausted at odd hours of the day.

But even knowing this, I am still a salt fiend. I still crave it. I still keep a dispenser filled with seasoned salt on my eating table (for real). This is my life. It's what I hold on to, and that's depressing. Even with all the anger and resentment that comes from having past food addictions and seeing what negative hold it had on me for so long, I still let something as minuscule as a grain of salt hold on to me.

Normally, I'd write my solution or some goal. But I'm being realistic when I say that this salt craving will never, ever go away. I'm always going to want to whip up some popcorn or dash some seasalt on my potato skins. It's just going to have to be something I work around and with- just like any human relationship. I'll have to compromise and dedicate myself, just as anyone who wants to make a major change in their life would do.

Salt, you win. You can stay.

Motivation

Recently, there was a crisis in my family. It was one that completely shook me to my core. Of course, it was totally unexpected and I heard about it from the worst source possible. And obviously, because this is deeply personal, I will not discuss this here.

However, this event did spark something in me that I have been secretly struggling with over the past couple of months- motivation.

Before I moved out to E-town for my year as a teacher, I became extremely dedicated to exercising. I ran a 5K, tracked almost everything I ate, practiced yoga almost daily, and was at my lowest weight in 5 years. Being active gave me confidence to end a going south relationship and to make several important life decisions.

Only, it didn't last. I moved to a neighborhood where a gym wasn't free and I wasn't making enough to pay for it. I tried to run outside, but my neighborhood was occasionally dangerous, hilly, and was located right next to high schoolers who could be quite cruel to passers. I stopped working out, I drank more, and I went out to eat like crazy.

That ritual pretty much summed up my entire last year. And obviously, my body has paid for it. And this is where I am going to be brutally honest. I gained back the 15lbs I lost when I was at my peak and then gained about another 7. I haven't felt good or comfortable in my skin, and those around me or close to me have seen this change.

A couple weeks ago, I decided to be pro-active. I started up running again, but my previous problems with shin splints hindered me. I finally bit the bullet and joined the Y. Not only does it provide me with a ton of free or low fee classes, I also get to use this activtrack fitness helper. And of course, I'm back on sparkpeople. Find me if you use it because I love spark buddies.

Yesterday was my first spin class, by the way. Oh man, it was insane. I had taken a couple of spin classes here and there, but never full hour sessions at high intensity. But there was something great about channeling all of my anger and hurt in pushing my body to the limit.

Anyways, I might post more about my fitness as time goes by and I may just forget or be unwilling to post about it period. But, if you want to motivate me with emails, facebook messages, and the occasional phone call... that would be great.