Continuing in my quest to get my blogging mojo back, I am writing a series of letters to my younger self, start at 6 and going to 22. Today, I bring you my awkward pre-teens
Dear Pre-Teen Michelle (10-13),
Honey, put down that Backstreet Boy pillow, throw away your NSYNC beanie babies, and stop tapping every Disney Channel concert of BBMak. I'm going to warn you now that this seemingly normal obsession with boy bands will only lead to an excessive amount of clutter and many lengthy explanations on why you actually have an entire scrapbook devoted to 98Degrees in your top drawer. I'll even make it easier on you: Lance Bass is gay. Nick Carter is a drug user (editor's note: I stand corrected that he currently is not a drug user and is doing well for himself). The only one who will be around 10 years later will be Justin Timberlake, and he certainly isn't crooning 12 year olds anymore.
How's therapy going? The doctor is giving you a crap load of crazy assignments to complete at school and home, but none are really hitting you like writing in your diaries. While I would never suggest censoring what you say, I do have to warn you that when you permanently move out of the house, mom will read every last one of those. Putting a big warning label on them wont do much but make it more intriguing.
My advice is to stop writing elusively about who you hate. Hate is such a strange word, and you seem to be throwing it around a ton these days. You dont hate half the girl scout troop because they sell more cookies than you. You certainly dont hate your aunts who continually help you out with homework every night. And even Angela doesn't deserved to be hated for her certainly abnormal obsession with Grease.
It may be hard, but give people a chance. They are not always out to get you or to judge you for what you say or look like. Most of those people you call enemies will turn out to be great friends. Friends who will help you through the dark stages of high school (and yes, high school is dark and so not full of muscular, musical bad boys to sweep you off your feet).
Those same people may be better than you at so many things, even at playing clarinet (your second obsession), but you have a great, open heart. Already at 10, you see that the environment you grow up in is full of intense bigotry, and racism. You dont understand why someone in your school wont talk to your different raced friend. You incessantly worry about children in Africa not having a school to go to. And you frequently pray that you will grow up to work in charities or as an activist.
For all those reasons, and more, you are much bigger than you think you are. Keep cultivating your introspective personality while working on having a more decisive, less fearful, voice. There is nothing worse than being trapped in a room of BSB posters with the world on your shoulders, so get out there and spread the word as best as you can.
Yourself, 13 years later