Hey! It's the Crap I Find On Etsy!

Chelles's note: I wrote this before I got off of work yesterday. And believe me, a ton has changed. I maybe had one of the most miserable nights in awhile. Between the crying on the kitchen floor and over a pot of poorly made noodles... and the mess I made of my relationship, I am pretty much spent emotionally. Even now, I am still crying. I realize that it is just one day in the scheme of 365, but the last five years have been all the same (minus the crying- this is the first one I managed to break down). There is a ton going on with me mentally that I am not prepared to share here, so I am going to ask you to bare with me. Can someone give me a redo of yesterday? Just pick me up, take me out, and let's pretend it's my birthday all over again. Please?

It's a perfect day. So right for my birthday! Seriously. 75 degrees and sunny. If it was a bit warmer, I'd head to the beach. Maybe this weekend or later on. I did get an amazing (free) shuttle ride to work today. As I was blasting Rilo Kiley's "Breaking Up" on my ipod, the bus turned on the stretch of the road that faces directly on to the lake. The sun was shining, there were sailboats of every color, and the energy was magnetic. Just as Jenny Lewis cries "Oh! It feels good to free!" rays of sun just trickled out of every corner of the bus. It was surreal. Maybe it is a reminder that even if I feel like I am 40 and already past this birthday let down thing- I am still young and alive.

I tried taking a picture of it all on my new phone, the Motorola Blur, but I still haven't figured out a majority of the options. Seriously, I am touch phone illiterate. Someone tell me how to download ringtones on this thing!

Anyways, it's only 10am and my phone has been blasted with texts and various other messages wishing me a happy birthday. I have three people on my list that I am not expecting a call or message from, but if they do manage to find it in their heart to make contact, I'd be a bit relieved and excited over.

Because I am in such a great mood today, I will present episode three of Crap I Find on Etsy! Moving from bags and purses, I bring you today's category of "bath and beauty." Let's start off with the good:

I'm not a girl who wears perfume heavily. In fact, I stick to one scent until I hate it or it runs out. I'm cheap too... a Lucky brand girl. Right now, I am reeking of vanilla christmas scents from Victoria Secrets. I do have a large bottle of perfume I got in Paris that has hints of watermelon and grape in it. I only wear that one for special, special occasions (aka, when I want to meet a man who's apparently really in to fruit). But dating the vegan and being eco-conscious makes me consider the effects of the perfume on both my body and the animals it is inevitably been tested on. That's why, for the good, I am picking this vanilla, eco friendly, and animal-free solid perfume:

It's my birthday- BUY! (Only $5)

Now, for the BAD. It wasn't a hard decision, actually, because this stood out as the most repulsive thing to put on your body. First of all, I get massive headaches when wearing leather so I cant imagine being drenched in the scent all day. Secondly, only bikers would approach a gal whose scented calling card smells like the seat of a their "hog." And no way will I buy something described as "smokey, leather." I used to live in Elgin. That was smokey and leather-y enough for me, thank you.

For those of you who enjoy the scent of mutilated cow during seduction time.

Crap I Find On Etsy pt II

Last week, I mentioned that part of my day at work was spent finding artwork for the office. I spent about 14 hours scouring the interwebs and sites like ebay and etsy until I found this:
Basically, it matches our office perfectly as we already have one etsy artwork in this color scheme. It is also kind of nerdy, in a way- perfect for biotechnology departments. We are going to purchase three of these with dark brown or black frames and put them on our currently blank main wall across from our desks.

See! Great things can be found on etsy if you search 3 times a week for over 14 hours!

Back to the crap though, because, duh, that's where the magic is. If you dont remember, I last assaulted you with baby leg warmers. Priceless and classy formal pageant wear for the teething set. I started off with accessories and am now moving on to my personal favorite, bags and purses (I am skipping art until I am not thankful for Etsy sellers/legit artists like the one above).

Now, I dont know about you, but when I go shopping for purses (less frequently then you think), I tend to channel my inner Rock of Love. This purse is called "Lightning Strikes," which might explain the painful display of leather fringe dripping from all corners of this monstrosity. The neon blue and the white stars make it only appropriate if you are dressing up like a skanky Hannah Montana for Halloween, or again, that old lady from season 2 of Rock of Love (you know, the cowgirl). Shame on this creator. Even he/she/it/ugh notes that you "cant find this purse anywhere else, maybe Saturn." It's out of this world in such a bad way that I am not sure if the gassy, remote planet would even spit crap like this out of its many icey rings.

In case you really want to visit the rings of crazy tacky purse shopping.

Ok, now for a good purse. As you all may know, I have no sense of style but I've watched a ton of Clinton and Stacey antics on WNTW to know that short=small. Being short and Pooh like in build, I have learned that my body cant handle a large, Mary Kate hobo bag which is ok with me as man on corner chic never appealed to me. I do, however, adore anything in vintage style and color. When a bag is in the shade of a particular vespa I've been drooling over since Europe, I tend to fall in love with it instantly. I can picture myself in a white summer dress, holding on to a rugged Italian (I'll make it Irish for B's sake) as he races down side streets in a baby blue scooter. We stop for french onion soup and cupcakes (MY FANTASY!) at some local cafe and drive off into the sunset for our picnic by the lake/river/ocean.... ahhhhhh...

My birthday is only 8 days away...

Happy shopping, folks!

P.S. If anyone is curious as to where I got my fantasy from... just revert to what I watched before bed last night and mix it in with my variously outrageous food cravings:

Crap I Find On Etsy

I started my new job last week at a major university. Because the Spring semester is just wrapping up and the summer semester hasn't yet started, there isn't much training to be done. On Thursday, I spent my 7.5 hour work day on one of my favorite websites, etsy.com, looking for artwork for the somewhat barren office.

After hour 4, I was more of just browsing everything and judging how much free time one needs to knit lambs wool undies or sculpt phallic shaped candles. As a creative person, I can openly say that when you give a person some artistic freedom and an potential monetary incentive, anything can happen.

So, in these bi-weekly posts (one on the weekends and one sometime during the week), I will venture through the ETSY categories and bring you my favorite horror story of arts and crafts. Oh, and then I will show you something that I would personally invest in if I had some spare change laying around.

For your pleasure, we will start with Accessories- Leg Warmers. Now, I would never, ever wear a leg warmer. EVER... let alone put my own child in one. If babies legs didn't already look like sausages, let's stuff them in tight long socks and top them off with tulle and buttons. And if that wasn't bad, this listing says right off not to purchase because this item is already reserved. SOMEONE BOUGHT THIS FOR THEIR INFANT! Ensue shame on the human race.




Now, looking through the accessory category, I am going with the apron sub section. I've been trying to be a better, healthier, and more adventurous cook. But overall, most of my cooking adventures end up with me stirring a pot of shells and cheese. Maybe, with a cute, 50's inspired apron, I can get the motivation to whip up something other than pre-made mashed potatoes.





With this little bit of inspiration and horror, I conclude my first "Crap I Find On Etsy" post. Enjoy and happy shopping!